- "COMPETITIVE SALARY": We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
- "JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you.
- "CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE": We don't pay enough to expect you to dress up.
- "MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED": You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
- "SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" : Some time each night and some time each weekend.
- 'DUTIES WILL VARY": Anyone in the office can boss you around.
- "MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL": We have no quality control.
- "CAREER-MINDED": Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
- "APPLY IN PERSON": If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
- "NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE": We've filled the job; our call for a resume is just a legal formality.
- "SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE": You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
- "PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST": You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
- "REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS": You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
- "GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS": Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
- "I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION": I've used Microsoft Office.
- "I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE": I pilfer office supplies.
- " MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES": I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
- "I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK": I blame others for my mistakes.
- "I'M PERSONABLE": I give lots of unsolicited personal advice.
- "I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL": I carry a Day Timer.
- "I AM ADAPTABLE": I've changed jobs a lot.
- "I AM ON THE GO": I'm never at my desk.
- "I AM HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED": The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here.
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